Your voice still echoes in my mind
As if you’re just down the dark, aging corridor
I hear you say “I’m going out.”
And I didn’t know that would be the last three word phrase I’d hear from your thin dark lips
Other than the one I’ve craved for months
The last embrace I’d feel from your needle scarred stitch ridden mahogany arms would be two weeks prior to the life-shattering moment that I’d forget the beauty of my young dreams.
You left me.
Again.
I sat for hours
Past the stages of crying myself to slumber
Or choking so much on my tears that I’d get sick and lie in your bed alone
leaving the scent of Alcanfor on your pillowcases
And watching M*A*S*H on your black and white Television
I remember my curtains vividly
The watercolor patterns of pink and blue and yellow and green flowers are tattooed on my mind
I watched the sun rise and beam through its seams
I don’t remember if I blinked.

“Don’t tell Myra.”
But I already overheard
They found you on the street
No one told me how it occurred
But I had hope that you’d return like you always do.
I had hope that I would get to once again run to you
be able to lay with you and clap with you and snap with you at that black and white television
whenever Maury would air someone’s life out for the Nation
And you’d eat your rice with your fried hard pork chops and salt.
I could run to you.
Instead
I walked
To the bed I couldn’t lay with you in
In a house that wasn’t our own
Dressed in a pink suit and hair that didn’t belong to you
Where your new red lips hid your dark thin ones
And matched the tear I could still see once bled from your eyelids
“You look just like her.”, they’d cry.
“She loved you.”, they’d choke.
I stared at you for moments that felt like years
I wished that you would have just woke up.
Your voice still echoes in my mind.
As if you’re just down the dark, aging corridor
I hear you say “I’m going out.”
Just like the last time.
“Ok.”
Just like the last time. M.A.

Writing is an art.
I scribe my expressions like
artists stroke their favorite colors
However
no word in the living language
will ever be able to capture the silhouette of your
detrimental
and sadistic temperament.

A note a day for the new year. And Junot Diaz. #writing #poetry #notes #isawthatsomewheretho #suckyhandwriting #happynewyear #junotdiaz

I’m begging you to stop choking me
Stop squeezing the life out of me by your bullshit promises you know you can’t keep
I can’t breathe with you laying next to me
Knowing that I can’t hold you with the same love and security
That I can’t kiss you with these passion coated lips
My body feels too cold
I don’t want to open my drawers
I don’t wanna walk around my room to see the clothes you’ve left
Someone else has held them close to their skin
You’ve embrace another body while
mine lied lifeless in our bed
All I wanted was you and all of you
And I swore that I would figure it out
Your love gave me more strength then I’ve ever felt before
But if you’re gonna go
Don’t walk too slow
Don’t stand in the doorway
Or I’ll close it on your back
I’m begging you to stop choking me…
I’m begging you to stop that

I can’t breathe
Good night notes. #goodnight #notes #insomnia #pain #thoughts #writing

She
always looked me straight in the eyes
How could you not be afraid?
Her pupils could grab me by the chest in all her resilience and strength
With the broken smile she uses to mask her pain and torment
Her whole life built on what now lies dormant
Chill my bones, and she will with her coldness
She’s built a shelter for her heart, she’s homeless
I will never blame her, but I don’t wanna leave her alone
Dependent on no single soul, she says “I’ll save my own”

Maybe this is for the best
I gave you too much for me to even comprehend
My heart would much rather leap out of my chest then to let you hurt her again
Guards up as high as God can feel
And there’s no one to blame but me

I don’t like being in love

I don’t like being in love

I don’t like being in love

That tingly feeling makes me sick

I don’t wanna smile for you

nor do I want my body draped in the endorphins that develop and seep through the pores of my skin

whenever I see your face

My ears should not yearn for the sound of your laughter

or the cracks your voice makes in between your beautiful words

And my body shouldn’t crave for your presence

or the way that your fingertips take its sweet time blessing my casing

I don’t like being in love

I don’t like how vulnerable I have gotten with you

Associating everything beautiful directly to you

I’ve begun to love you as the songs have crooned love

to complete my existence and makes me whole type love

I’ve begun to Sade miss you like the deserts miss the rain

Love like using songs to translate what my heart’s saying

Bill never lied when he said ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

because you’re always gone too long anytime that you go away

I’m ready to give you the best that I got like Anita has

And long to make love to you the way Boys II Men intended

But I’m too Marsha and Natalie

I’m too afraid that you’ll hurt me babe…

The energy that floats from you pulls everything in me,

And pulls me closer to you

Groups of butterflies flock in my tummy at the single thought of you

Because this, this love is…

It’s captivating, so intense, so priceless…

Oh lovely you

I love you

But I rather not

I wanna love

But my heart reminds me

To love is to let down my guards and let you in

And this feeling I’m bathing in
can possibly die and

We may hurt and

We may fight and

We may get angry and

We may cry and then

There is no love like this again

I don’t like being in love

I don’t want this cycle for us

And I don’t know how to end this

I just wanna know how to prevent this…

I’m sorry I just don’t like being in love, miss…

Nowadays, I often find myself needing everything you are,
craving to be held in the safety of your arms as we lay down and close our eyes
and I’ll internally pray that the next day I’ll be closer to you than what our skin allows.

Eliza

Soaked in the passion that leaks from our pores,
This world of disaster,
this world of lost hope and broken dreams freezes as your lips bless mine.
I’m stolen
And that’s fine.
Already embarked on this enticing adventure
With you as my tour guide
Neither of us prepared for where this journey might take us
But we haven’t a care
At all.

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