I still want my undying love to fill the cracks in your heart, and soul.
I still want my arms to keep you safe at night, hold you tight and cradle you as you rest.
I still want to spend the rest of my days drunk on your love and tickled by the butterflies that flap their wings on your command.
I still want you and all of you.
That’s not changing.
It’s far too early in the morning to do outreach with tear and mascara stains on your glasses.
I’m head over heels in love… And that’s the only feeling I want to feel around you. I crave to feel you close, closer than our skin even allows. I crave those lips to bless mine. I love you with everything I never thought I could use again. I still do.
I am my own person and I am in control of my own life and my own emotions. I should not give you that power.
I’m gonna be okay with or without you. But I prefer to be okay with you rather than without you.
There are too many love stories where one person is so heartbroken, damaged and guarded after a horrible, unhealthy relationship… But then all of a sudden, a “great” person comes along and they want to give the other person the love that they deserve but the heartbroken one is so guarded that they almost miss out on it… But that other person sticks around anyway. And then the heartbroken one realizes it and almost instantly latches on to this “love” and they love happily ever after (or so to speak).
That can’t possibly work in real life.
I need to learn to practice self-love everyday whether single or not, hurting or not… Because I know myself to lose myself a lot and get too comfortable so when I fuck up, I care so much, I’ll hurt myself. Smfh.
I need to do better and be better to myself, for myself.
So that if the next person deserves me, they will have me at my best. And even if that doesn’t happen, I’m not dependent.
I get an offer to work as a community organizer at CHLDC.
Gonna jump off this bunk bed and get ready to see her and go to FIERCE for this Drag Nite event…
People have lives too. Hearts are only but so big and but so genuine. So all the complaining and the “woe is me“‘s, don’t really do much does it? You’re not the only one struggling, and not everyone can pick you up. Build your muscle and your armor and let’s get the fuck up and do it ourselves because we were born alone, live in our bodies and our skin’s alone, and we are gonna die alone. No one can help you live your life. People are just accessories in it to make it easier or harder, fun and exciting or depressing and traumatic. People are there to love and care and hate and dislike. But the best experience you’ll ever have is just living. So live, goddamnit.
My family is dysfunctional but this show defines what that is. And I love it for some reason.
I gotta wake up at 6 am to return to my miserable ass job in Bronx tomorrow for 8 am after being sick for a few days but I can’t stop watching this show. My supervisor wants me present and alert in these Progress Hearings but ha, that ain’t happening. Half because I’m still sick, other half because I don’t really give a fuck about her right now.
I’m tempted to call another day out but she might tell my next employer that I get sick too much and am not up to date with my hours.
Suck my dick.
I’m taking this personal.