Why couldn’t I have gotten paid TODAY so I can get a bottle of Merlot and drink it to the fucking head and smoke my blunt and pretend all is fine????

“I’m gonna stop having expectations”

But lol, My
This isn’t what you want. You want more. Why are you settling?

I wish I didn’t care about the shit you do, I wish I had my own shit for you to worry about

Wow. I turned down a date with someone Lord knows I’m intrigued by.

Lmao…

I don’t hate her. I don’t want her to think I hate her.

I just hate that she is fully capable of tearing down, stripping and taking what’s mine…

For whatever that’s worth. Because you’re not mine…

Look, I’m average, I’m chunky, and I’m short. Sarcasm is my favorite language, I like living monotonously and I’m pretty pessimistic and depressed. I’m difficult…

But she…She’s beautiful, she’s smart and she has totally got your attention… She makes you smile, she’s perky and you enjoy her presence… And on the contrary to what you want me to believe, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t understand and she may never… You’re trying to figure things out and I’m certain I know what I want… I want you.

But then I gotta think about that. Do I really?

Because I don’t take well to pain or anyone that hurts me, ESPECIALLY out of spite. I don’t even trust people, and I could have known you for years. I don’t know how to heal fast or pick myself up off the ground immediately… I don’t know how to move past things like that especially when it’s unclear… and I damn sure can’t act like nothing is wrong. I can’t be that fake to people I care about and people I want to care about me… I’m unhappy because I am confused, I’m afraid and I’m on edge and there is too much shit going on in my mind, in my life already… I don’t wanna live like that…

But I fucking love you.

Through all the instability, I just want one thing to be certain, to be definite…

I wish things were different. And sometimes, I wish this never happened.

I thought it’d be interesting to inform you that I am sexually frustrated and I wanna be fucked to the point where I have to pick up my brain off the floor when you’re done.

Just a thought.

It’s a struggle everyday not to cry, kick and scream… I wish I could sleep this crap away… The pain feels like it’ll be here forever. I don’t know how to move past this…

I still want my undying love to fill the cracks in your heart, and soul.

I still want my arms to keep you safe at night, hold you tight and cradle you as you rest.

I still want to spend the rest of my days drunk on your love and tickled by the butterflies that flap their wings on your command.

I still want you and all of you.

That’s not changing.

It’s far too early in the morning to do outreach with tear and mascara stains on your glasses.

I’m head over heels in love… And that’s the only feeling I want to feel around you. I crave to feel you close, closer than our skin even allows. I crave those lips to bless mine. I love you with everything I never thought I could use again. I still do.