Your voice still echoes in my mind
As if you’re just down the dark, aging corridor
I hear you say “I’m going out.”
And I didn’t know that would be the last three word phrase I’d hear from your thin dark lips
Other than the one I’ve craved for months
The last embrace I’d feel from your needle scarred stitch ridden mahogany arms would be two weeks prior to the life-shattering moment that I’d forget the beauty of my young dreams.
You left me.
Again.
I sat for hours
Past the stages of crying myself to slumber
Or choking so much on my tears that I’d get sick and lie in your bed alone
leaving the scent of Alcanfor on your pillowcases
And watching M*A*S*H on your black and white Television
I remember my curtains vividly
The watercolor patterns of pink and blue and yellow and green flowers are tattooed on my mind
I watched the sun rise and beam through its seams
I don’t remember if I blinked.

“Don’t tell Myra.”
But I already overheard
They found you on the street
No one told me how it occurred
But I had hope that you’d return like you always do.
I had hope that I would get to once again run to you
be able to lay with you and clap with you and snap with you at that black and white television
whenever Maury would air someone’s life out for the Nation
And you’d eat your rice with your fried hard pork chops and salt.
I could run to you.
Instead
I walked
To the bed I couldn’t lay with you in
In a house that wasn’t our own
Dressed in a pink suit and hair that didn’t belong to you
Where your new red lips hid your dark thin ones
And matched the tear I could still see once bled from your eyelids
“You look just like her.”, they’d cry.
“She loved you.”, they’d choke.
I stared at you for moments that felt like years
I wished that you would have just woke up.
Your voice still echoes in my mind.
As if you’re just down the dark, aging corridor
I hear you say “I’m going out.”
Just like the last time.
“Ok.”
Just like the last time. M.A.
Lit like we supposed to be.
 #family #saturdaynight  (at Sutra Lounge)
Happy Turkey Day From Laila and Destiny! ❤️❤️❤️ #maltese #goddaughter #happiness #family #thanksgiving #thankful
Final farewell. We ❤️ you Titi. #restinparadise #family #farewell #love
The Lebron Family Reunion 2013 #family #lebronfamilyreunion #love #piccollage
My beautiful princess Tiana paying respects to our fallen troops in Cypress Hills National Cemetery. #whywasithereontheweekendthough #girlscouts #family #memorialday #military #troops #brooklyn #veteran #army #marine #airforce #navy
My babies Laila and Madison ❤❤❤❤❤ They made my entire day! #picstitch #goddaughter #family
My Hunny @mxtori is another year older today y’all! We celebrate every single step they ever took today. Lol I love you so much! #friends #family #happybirthdaytiphb <—- I created a fucking hash tag for their birthday I’m awesome
No words can explain how much I do not like my fucking sister right now.

No words.

My father was the last person I wanted to explain my sexual orientation to simply because he is highly homophobic. But listening to her tell him…it made my whole world shut down. My blood boiled and froze at the same time. My skin tightened and I felt like I couldn’t breathe as each syllable of that Spanish phrase left her mouth and traveled through my fathers ears. His facial expression. I’ll never forget it. So much sadness. So much frustration. So much exhaustion.

I don’t even know how to explain how I feel.

I’ve heard my father say he would kill Qiiyana and hopes she dies simply because she was gay. He hated her. So I never told him because I knew that if he found out I was gay too, he’d disown me. 

Being a member of this family is a disaster, yo.

My sister and her pretty little kids… (Taken with Instagram)
credit