Spread Love, It's The Brooklyn Way

I’m not single but I’m on my Fuck Valentine’s Day shit.

Why? Well… I’m currently conversing with myself about that…

My girlfriend is stationed in Virginia. I see her every now and then but she is still away. For the past few years I have been in a long distance relationship. Not only with her but with another person I was dating from the town I went to high school in. I should be used to it but it’s hard. It’s real difficult. The issues are always 10x worse than they need to be, and it happens pretty often. I convince myself that it is because we are far away from each other and that this is only temporary, but LDR’s a stressful.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is true, in most cases. I miss her more than anything, I love her more as time goes by, and when I am with her, I am as happy as happy can be. The circumstances (being gay, her being a marine, my family doesn’t exactly approve and or support, the distance, and the things we deal with on our own, etc) are all heavy on our backs. But we are fighting hard for this, despite other deeper circumstances (Which include the things we have put each other through. That’s another story though).

But I’ll admit, the bullshit becomes so hard to bear. Like right now, she is away in Parris Island for some Female Marine honoring thingamajig, we’ve been back and forth all week about little things and big things that we just avoided taking care of before. Communicating often throughout the day became something I was adjusted to, and I barely heard from her at all in the past couple of days. I am trying to tell myself that this is good for us right now since we have been stressing each other out but I have grown so accustomed that I just feel like she isn’t making much effort and it makes me a little more upset. And I have just learned that she doesn’t trust me, because of a lot of small reasons that I am not understanding so I’ve also been agitated about that. I just want us to be okay and happy and healthy.

But we aren’t. So this Valentine’s Day I will be without her, without even a chance to hear from her, an if I’m lucky she will at least take a minute of her time to say “Happy Valentines Day, I Love You”. I worry often that she is going to get fed up with me and my bullshit and leave, and I have become so deep in love and dependent on her that if she leaves, I’ll go insane. Literally.

Idk…

I just want Valentines Day to be over.